*Zoloft Files Edition* Hot 16…Or More…ALL SAID AND DONE

For the Last Day of The Zoloft Files Volume 1 installments of Hot 16…Or More…,

I present you with my favorite song off of the Collection…

This song, much like this entire project, was a personal test. I wanted to see if I had it in me to really speak about the event of my own death. As we’ve learned from so many death-fixated artists, especially rappers…thoughts are things!

As a firm believer that one creates one’s own reality in a day-to day sense, I took issue with the idea of making a ‘if I should die’ song. But I was always impressed by guys like Biggie and 2Pac’s ability to paint that posthumous picture. And after I heard someone like Joe Buddden, who hasn’t even reached their level of hysteria or legend-hood, make a song like that, over Tony Toni Tone’s “Anniversary”, I knew I was going to do one of my own. I thought,  it’s a clever idea to leave behind a somewhat instructional how-to for the people in your life in the unforeseen instance of untimely passing.  And the subject matter fell right in line with the tone of this project.

Don’t think of this as a gloomy song at all. It’s a celebration of the life I plan to lead, as well as the life I’ve lead.

I also swore not to make another of these, so you might wanna download this mixtape now, save this and refer to this if anythings happens. And really listen to this cause this is REALLY how I want it to go down. If you know me, then you know me and my award show- watching ass likes things to be organized and classy. Don’t hood out my going out!!!

You’ll get one more of these kinds of songs, but only on an original beat on one of my critically acclaimed albums at some point in my career. That’s it!

And with that,  I give you verses 1 & 2. Let’s go…

“At my funeral,

please wear something Orange,

Carry me down the streets, like New Orleans.

Make sure you play All my favorite songs an,

alot of Stevie, lot of Bob, lot of Marvin,

Ya’ll know me – it’s gotta be alot of Pac mixed!

Cause Pac is the reason I put Heart in, what I spit – but Pac embodies how it all can,

END,

before it,

ever really started,

all that talkin’ bout Fate Callin…

So I made a promise:

Not to write about Death,

cause that’s how we lost some of the Best!

It’s true: Words are power,

and you are what you eat,

so I’m Louder!

And trade the sour for the sweet.

But right now I’m…

Constantly on the brink…

Suddenly and quite Uncomfortably,

I wonder…

(‘what it means’)

When your body’s underneath,

can 6 feet measure how deep, a life is?

And life is so short,

find you never really had the time to go sort…

everything out…

So if I ever leave files of my unfinished work laying ’round

-mix everything down!

Remaster – better sound – rehash it, Put everything out – make mash-ups!

Please sell Malik out!

Til everybody catch up, and tell they peeps how:

I made classics…

Big L – repeat style…

…They just gettin’ lines from me right now – years after!

…Be a household name…

Rather leave early, than live out old man…

be in house,

old cane,

I V out old veins,

-can’t eat-walk-sleep-talk, without no pain!

I don’t want no nurses,

no house doctors,

if I’m in that much hurt!

I’ll put me out of my misery…

And I pray that my child does, the same…

Pull the plug if it comes down ta

-the choice…

This might be the end for me physically,

- but with infamy – I’ll finally get to be,

with my dreams…”

Hope you learned something…

Click the picture of the mixtape cover to download it.

R.I.P. Big Pun

In memory of Christopher “Big Pun” Rios and his legacy, I just wanted to put up a few of the hits.

Starting with the 2010 update/revisit of the classic Pun track “Glamour Life”, nicely done by the kid AC (Who my sometimes group of Dominicans, The Balance, collabed with last year), Realm Reality (A.K.A. Rick Gonzalez – you know, the kid who starred in Coach Carter and Illegal Tender?), Termanology, and Pun’s son himself, Baby Pun!.

This is my first new favorite song of the year. Shit like this makes me Love rap!

Here’s the trailer from the Pun documentary that came out not too long ago.  We may all want to check this out, if we call ourselves hip-hop fans.

How many hardcore rappers can say they did a joint with J.Lo back in her Grammy-winning days? With no peep of a mention of losing street cred.

And  2 of my favorite joints off of the Capital Punishment album;

*Zoloft Files Edition* Hot 16…Or More…LOSER OF LOVE

Day 7 folks.

This was a song that I released last year on it’s own on myspace (Damn, even saying it sounds played out) for Valentine’s day. It was a part of a three song special I did dealing with relationships. The other song was an ode to 2pac’s style of making girl -songs (Or as he would say, “for the bitches”). And the other song, aptly titled, “The Bitch” was about a certain carribean chic I was dealing with, who drove me to edge of  patience with her intimacy issues and anger management problems.

Back then, this song was only called “Luv”, because it finds me having a conversation with the personification of Love itself, going over my unstable history with it, and my inevitable side-eye towards it. This track is filled with imagery, and all kinds of nods, from New edition and Grey’s Anatomy references and allusions to Iceman (Bobby Drake).

It was the homegirl Toni-Ann’s favorite song from me last year and she showed lots of love for “Luv”.

Now it’s the sister song to track 3, “Lover of Love”,  a contrast to my seeming infatuation with it and addiction to the newness of it. It’s also now my team, Naima & Mike’s favorite song that I’ve EVER done (which is quite insulting, but I’ll take it for now…).

So much so that the boy Mike took it upon himself to do an animation of My Zoloft Files mixtape cover along with the track. So watch it, or listen to it and read the lyrics – whatever you can manage simultaneously!

“Love,

you might wanna sit down for this one…

…lot I gotta get out with this one

- Off my chest…

(Gasp)

Almost lost my breath,

cause God took a rib out for this love.

Word to Adam…

You ain’t gotta spit – nah, just listen,

I ain’t ’bout to flip out – no bitchin’,

Just words and chattin’…

‘mano y mano’ – I know,

I can’t say man-to-man,

it’s more like man-to-man’s affliction.

Sorry to call you that,

but  plenty aliases in your file – and they’re all attached,

been plenty failed attempts to throw you down and they’ve fallen flat,

ain’t even give you a number to dial and you callin back ..

somehow on my line…

I’m like ‘get out my mind!’,

your reply is you live more inside of my heart – don’t start!

Talkin’ bout some muscle in the breast…

cause that’s the same muscle – got me stressed.

And homey my Anatomy ain’t Grey – except that matter in my brain,

that tell me that’s okay, if I feel mad and pretty jaded.

Sangers wanna sang those,

happy songs and rainbows,

-You in Living Color – I’m okay with givin shade, so…

if Black is the absence,

then in your absence,

I treat not having you like the whole month of February…

And celebrate my Blackness,

cause I’mma stay Black everyday!

Tho’ that’s a bad practice that perhaps can,

eat away at your soul – I’ll act as if I ain’t phased,

and no, that Blackness ain’t a void,

it’s just that I’m annoyed with the habit of having you in the way…

Every time happiness happens,

make me wanna do backflips – dammit!

You have a way…

Of,

tippin’ the axis,

that bright light flash gets, snatched!

That quick, so back to Black’s where I’m gonna Fade…

(Fade)

Stevie said ‘If It’s Magic, then let it be everlasting’

- awww dammit!

There I go again,

Brandon told me if  I rap too fast then,

the people probably, gonna skip right past it – well please!

By all means,

smooth it out,

Cause New Edition warned me,

To Cool It Now…

(“oohh, watch out!“)

Before I lose, control…

but you responsible for the blues, the woes…

The high divorce rates, court dates and court shows,

…can’t explain that Love, huh? I thought so!

I fought so hard to get to know you as a teen,

couldn’t get a girl – but had a dream.

Once I got the girls – I couldn’t lean…

Haven’t been alone since – so to be alone is bad to me.

I know it’s bad to keep a chic around for the sake of it,

her waking up naked with me, ain’t the same as it being you…

That me and her is making an‘ – basking in the glow of – but,

you’ve been kinda tainted ever since I’ve grown up.

And now that I’m older – there’s an empty feeling,

-cause you made the women colder,

and less revealing.

They won’t op-en up to you…

So how could they get close to me??! Woe is me!

And if they too young, they don’t know a thing!

If they my age, they got baggage, holdin 3,

or 4 bags at a time – they shoulders deep,

in what the last man did – they shoulders keep…

Big Chips, like Texas Hold ‘Em – Freeze!

Probably make, a nigga turn to Bobby Drake over these…

Cold-shoulder breezes – turned to shrugs

-Love!

let’s  do a  review of all the things you’ve shown to me…

Heartbreaks,

-I’m no Kanye, but I’ll take my chances,

and pass if this is sposed to be…

LOVE…”

Hope you learned something…

Click the picture of the mixtape cover to download it.

Love me!

*Zoloft Files Edition* Hot 16…Or More… THE FAME

For this being Day 6 of Volume 1, and the Anniversary weekend of Big Pun’s passing,

I wanted to highlight my wordiest, Strongest cut, which is a diatribe on the thing that we all chase in this biz on some level, conscious or sub-conscious.

Everyone wants to be remembered,

and here, starting from my second verse, where the song gains momentum, is where I delve deeper into that desire of both yours, and mine…

“What’s funny is:

Famous people don’t want it…

they write songs complainin’ of it,

-the average Joe love it!

Life long he dreamin’ to touch it – Thinkin:

‘Why would you work so hard, to go an’ bitch about it?

This is what you wanted,

Huh?

-Ain’t you got rich around it??!’

Fame and the fortune -but more than often they say they prefer the latter over the former,

and forget about it.

But ask them can they really live without it?

It’s better to NEVER had than to had and then lost,

think about it.

They take the former over latter,

but ask any former actor or has-been,

see how they all are playin’ catch-up.

And dwellin’ in the past cause,

it’s better than the now…

the drugs,

the pressure,

that probably let to the down…

Fall…

celeb – stuff,

paparazzi that hounds,

and you smile with your heads up,

all for the love of crowds.

Who can dead you in a second,

build you up just to break you,

Love to applaud the underdog,

Hate you after they made you!

What a sadistic society,

why is it that we take pride in the act of seeing people crash entirely?

Is it cause we feel like they deserve it?

they in the public eye, they do a public service…

they know just what they signed up for the moment they chose, to be a personality,

Or is it more that we losers and need some personality?

Or wanna see someone’s blues,

to see our personalities…

ain’t too different after all…

After all of the 7-figure digits – is it that we all wanna see,

that we are stitched into the same web of life?

Whether liked or disliked,

or it’s like,

we take these personalities,

and just wanna shit on them?

rip ‘em, then strip ‘em.

So we can feel different ’bout or mundane rigamaroo,

take our own faults in ourselves,

and attribute them to,

- these personalities,

sound to me, like Greek mythology,

building Gods, to give the Gods all of these…

Human traits…

and shortcomings just so you can say,

‘look,

we all one in the same,

we all done it!’

And if we talkin’ Greek,

we run into Rome…

Our ideas of entertainers,

mirror the Gladiators.

We love our stars to Death:

thumbs up to thumbs down,

throw ‘em to the lions once they unwound, and come down.

But on the come-up!

Once they co-signed – it’s like,

everybody wanna,

be down for the rise,

of the next…

And we all love a come-back – Yes!

It’s just genius!

we all have a Phoenix complex.

The thing that’s the craziest is,

staring in the face of all this,

…I’m still tryin’a force my way in.

I know the costs,

know the payment, know the stakes of the win,

“I got a taste of that steak, in The Matrix – I’m in!

Fame you my friend…”

Word to Fain that’s my man,

you would know that from my last mixtape but again…

You probably Don’t know who Iam,

and why I’m rapping so strong or so long,

well welcome to The Zo-loft, files…

And if you’ve gotten here so far,

you know all of my fears by now – and one of them is gettin’ old-er!

And the second one is fallin’ in love with Love, or not findin’ it,

the third most important and final is…

Not seein’ my name up in them bright lights and shit,

I don’t wanna die as just,

another name with a dash…

I wrote my name with a dash,

cause Iam the 1st and I’m the 6th,

I’m the first and last – my boys talked me out retirement.

Cause no one knows me,

I wanna be on those screens – so I can be able to complain about those things…

With folks buying seats way in the nosebleeds,

Just to hear me recite my shit,

-don’t let me die tryin’ cause nigga,

I’m too nice with this!

Shout out to all the guys and chics, workin’ a 9 to 5 – but no, not I!

Cause I’m tryin’a live forever,

so what I want is

-The FAME!”

Hope you learned something…

Click the picture of the mixtape cover to download it.

R.I.P. Pun. You are forever Famous!

*Zoloft Files Edition* Hot 16…Or More…HOW HUMAN

Day 5’s joint is one that seems to be a common favorite so far.

I think people like what they believe to be the theme, but moreover what they like is the “Age Of Aquarius” sample, courtesy of Kanye.

Now for some reason this project is full of ALOT of Kanye and Mobb Deep instrumentals.

I guess Emo-rap and gritty mid-90’s cryptic Murder rap beats set the perfect sonic backdrop for a depression-based mixtape full of contemplation on life’s paradoxes and personal reflection.

Anyway, I don’t know what Mos Def did with this Kanye beat nor what he was talking about on the original version of his song called “Sunshine”, but seeing as how I wasn’t anywhere near a sunshiny mood while making this tape, obviously I took a different direction.

This sample is near and dear to me now, as the sample was made famous from the old Broadway play, HAIR, which has been revived in the last year or so, and I know one of the stars, Ms. Sasha Allen, very well. She even gets a shout out in the beginning.

Thinking about that play (which I don’t think I quite understand), made me think about the hippies and their whole peace and love thing. I thought about the intermingling of the races and the multi-cultural cast re-enacting those free-spirited drifters. I thought about how under the sun, we’re all the same, and how this sun is the very thing that gives us the notion of Color to begin with. I started getting really scientific on ya’ll asses. I thought about this generation, and how much the lines have been blurred between cultures since I’ve been alive, since my parents, and their parents before.

So in this Black History Month, I’d like to leave you with that to think about.

As Pro-Black as Iam. And as militant as I can be on certain subjects, I really believe that separating anyone by race is Crazy. True enough, our lifestyles are so different that you can’t help but notice that some things are typical of a certain group, and sure it’s funny to say, ‘white people’ after you witness a caucasian doing something so expected of them. But I do think that race is one of those things that needs to be poked fun at more until we can get to a point where it’s a secondary thought and not a primary one. Iam one of those folks who believe that we are all a little racist or prejudice in our own ways, and alot of that has to do with indelible conditioning, subliminal ideas that have been pushed into our minds and lack of exposure respectively. Acknowledging that helps to lift a huge weight off of us being that we are imperfect people who have never been in such a position as we are now to be so accepting of one another. It’s a long road, but I have faith that the successive generations are taking strides towards that.

Only time will tell.

But here, I pontificate on the simplicity and susceptible state of being just a human in this big small world.

“How human,

How you been?

if colors only made up here from how you bend,

light refractions,

then let the light back in,

to Dawn on the darkness of our current reactions – towards,

one another in this Rubix cube of culture clashes,

fused with folk who fashion-forward, socially ass-backwards.

We try to be colorblind like dogs and cats is,

but we define by color first,

character after.

So we are just caricatures of ourselves,

stereotypes have to occur – but patterns can melt.

This merry-go-life grabs you at birth – strap in the belt,

so bury the lines – slash and then burn that, and dispel…

All of the attacks and slurs between the races,

we’ve seen the faces of hate,

but ain’t seen the basis.

But we can change it – clear it up,

here’s to ones of us,

reared in the now – gearing for The Age of Aquarius!”

Hope you learned something…

Click the picture of the mixtape cover to download it.

*Zoloft Files Edition* Hot 16…Or More…THE HILL

For todays Hot 16, I ‘d like to introduce you to a guy who’s not afraid of dying, but of getting old.

Iam an extreme example of the kind of poisonous Western thinking that celebrates youth and youth culture, making the old less and less important and significant in society.

My good friend TDJ (You know her), taught me so much in understanding her relationship with her grandmother before she passed. She would make weekly trips to visit her, she held and still holds her in such high esteem. Really, I believe she is the main reason why TDJ moved back here to begin with! TDJ’s bond with her Grandmother represents a reverence that’s all too gone and forgotten. I have so much admiration for those of my generation or any generation for that matter, who still have that acknowledgement and appreciation for those who came before.

I didn’t get that oppurtunity with one of my Grandmothers, and I couldn’t tell you the last time I spoke to the other.

I don’t have a fear of the old. I have a fear of my old. The lurking feeling of the inevitable fade out…

There’s something truly depressing and tragic about the promise of a time of deterioration.

To me, death is a much comfortable fate than living through the onset of it. Living a life without being able to move when, where and how you want is not living. Being ABLE. That’s the key word. I always wondered, why retirement is set at such a late age. I know people are living ALOT healthier these days, but what good is freedom when you can’t capitalize on it to the fullest? It’s like in The Shawshank Redemption when they let the old man free after so many years, and he didn’t know what to do with himself.

People listen to you less, you pee more, you become a job for your family. A liability on travels. A responsibility. It’s tough.

I know the approach and advice that everyone will give you is some old ‘life is beautiful in all of it’s stages’ spiel, or some ‘every season has it’s beginning and end‘ circle-of-life B.S., but there’s no way to pretty up the descent down that hill.

As a 20-something year old, the biggest event that my peers have been running from while preparing for is the loom of 30.

30 marks the end of irresponsibility and frivolous life choices. It’s the end of what many consider ‘the best years of your life’. To compound my fear of growing old with a mild fear of numbers is to say the least, the last thing I need, but it exists, still in all in the back of my mind. Especially considering the field Iam in. 27 is not the best entrance age. But all I can hope is that when I do it, I do it big! and I commit to living the healthiest life I can now, so I can continue to do so in those days closer to the last. A better 20’s means a better 80’s.

You hear that, Drinkers and Smokers?

We all gotta get there. Make yours as less painful as possible.

Here’s my take on reaching that Hill…

“Now there’s a Hill,

Invisible – yet and still,

that which you cannot see ain’t the same as that which you feel.

And when you get to that summit,

that plummet is very real,

- cause the view from up top shows how long you’ve got from now up until…

Or worse yet,

it shows just how far you have gotten – it’s ill,

-despicable mirror view – low down dirty rotten it kills,

spirits and breaks hearts,

send arctic type of chills – cause you thought you were way smarter,

the architecture that built,

your younger years was fra -gile…

Throwing away,

parts of that party life now it spills,

on to the late parts of your life

- off to a late start

- you ain’t make all the moves you promised since College – promised you will,

almost time to make plots, get insurance and write wills,

You in the same spot, ain’t no progress – your fate sealed,

situated hardly but waiting for all the thrills,

that went away,

probably blowing out in old wind – while we frozen – hopin’ our golden moments aren’t all over

-The Hill…

That hour glass ain’t slow,

but before it’s all up, you grow up.

We all gotta get old – but you gotta take control, cause that Hill is looking closer.

See How the days just go,

that hourglass ain’t slow,

but before it’s all up, you grow up.

We all gotta get old – but you gotta take control, cause that Hill is looking Closer…

They say 30’s the new 20,

why does it seem so ominous?

maybe cause it’s symbolic of all of the broken promise.

Or maybe cause it’s synonymous with all you ain’t accomplish,

all of the things you thought you’d a gotten by now – you plotted…

You jotted it down…

had a 5-year plan…

at 25 years – damn,

you’ve gotten wise – took stands.

Shook hands,

read The Secret,

Even read Think And Grow Rich,

so why’s the top of The Hill…the coldest peak?

- it’s like Everest,

and you can’t ever rest – you slowly sinking – I’m slowly thinking,

if 30’s like this – I don’t hope to see it!

I got, 3 mo’,

before 3-0,

- I can’t believe I’m, parading here,

tryin’a make a career, emceeing.

I mean,

at 18,

it was every cliche dream,

the skills’,

what I believed,

would take me to get a deal.

-Now I’m taking lunch breaks at 12 – Brown-bagging – bringing in meals,

seeing my life unravel between the tangerine’s peels…

And that’s just 30,

picture 40 and 50 yields…

a greater feeling of lament,

laying up watching reels,

of younger you,

wondering,

what became of your zeal,

- now just waking up is a task – pray the doctors say they can heal.

Cause now you gotta worry about a  whole new set of ills,

That ain’t exist 10 years ago – Superman complex’s surreal.

All aglow- it all can go,

it’s awesome tho – for all the growth,

that’s all to show for it- before you know it,

we all almost over The Hill…”

Hope you learned something.

Click the picture of the mixtape cover to download it. Stay Young at heart! Watch a cartoon today…

*Zoloft Files Edition* Hot 16…Or More…LOVER OF LOVE

Day 3 ya’ll,

and how fitting that the boy Brandon Carter decides to use his run-by as a platform to try to play me on the Love-life tip and the supposed motivation behind this very project.

It goes right in line with the song that we’ll be getting into the lyrics of today.

This is one of my favorite rhymes to read written. I think it highlights the seriousness of what I’m saying where it may get lost due to my playful delivery on the track.

This is actually the sister song to track 7 on this same volume.

They go into my approach towards Love and what I invest into it.

This stands as a favorite not only because it’s therapuetic, but I think it’s half self-deprecating, Part accepting, and part not-give-a-fuck tone gives a different spin on the typical rapper introspection.

Besides that,

It’s pretty Self -explanatory.

Whereas Andre spoke on the Love Hater or Hater of Love,

This is my life as the opposite…

“Stupid Muthafuckas like me!

Fall in Love with the thought of Love,

better warn your daughters – hide their student IDs.

Cause more than likely…

I probably Court ‘em – only to get Caught up in like, 4 months – watch me call ‘em Wifey.

Yeah it’s sorta my thing,

Cause when it come to borderline divorces: I’m King!

And all the time I walk the line and cross it slightly,

Start talking prematurely on some yours and mine things,

that should not be discussed…

And I get gassed up cause I’m awarded Highly, in the sport of Piping!

And it’s not me to trust – But I…

Don’t usually,

Truthfully,

I’ll be honest…I promise…

Cause it’s got me disgusted!

What’s this??!!

Some Pimp,

Look to me more like a square,

Hooked to these broads like a brassieres,

- I make me Hate me – I swear!

But is it true??

Am I really that pitiful?

This is me at my most analytical.

Let’s strip dude apart:

Big kid with big heart,

been with,

been apart,

This is-n’t a smart decision

-cause this in-ci-sion’s beginning an op-er-a-tion,

that can take a lifetime – and the doc…

Is Dr. Love…

And she ain’t got no patience for me,

cause I complain too much, and she got other patients to see.

So patch me up – give me my clothes back,

close that hole that you started making…

clearly I have got that anxious disease.

I’m in Love with being in Love,

and even tho it ain’t really happen to me, E-nough…

I be chasing with speed.

So here’s my co-pay,

I gots to go - Hey!

There’s a future failure waiting for me.

Making believe,

making a tree,

one day to be…

K-I-S-S, I-N-G

-with the Love of my life,

Hopefully not just my Love for tonight,

It’s no wonder why I find myself time and time again in that cycle – Love Potion # 9,

til I find her – I’m the stupid muthafucka saying I Love. I Love. I Love…”

Hope you learned something.

Click the picture of the Mixtape Cover to Download it so you can hear this song in all of it’s Glory!

*Zoloft Edition* Hot 16…Or More…ANTI-SOCIAL SOCIALITE

Day 2 kiddies.  The Zoloft Files run-by encounters continue. And the Hot 16’s continue as well.

This installment embodies the …Or More… part of this section because I had no choice but to do  the WHOLE song to get the feel of what I was describing across. In true Malik-16 fashion, I give you another glimpse into my upbringing as a resident of the Hood-Hood, and I lament on not quite fitting in anywhere. A recurring theme.

The title of this song derives from  a phrase that I thought I came up with on my own back in my sophmore year of College when me and my boy Brandon Carter released our very first mixtape together and I did the intro. Alot of my friends around campus teased me for that part of the intro, but years later, just recently, as I was traipsing thru the internets, I stumbled upon a couple uses and misuses of the saying. Some people who I KNOW shouldn’t be using those words in reference to themselves using it.

I felt some kind of way about it at the moment, but now I  say, if you feel as though this term fits your position in life currently, or describes you best, then so be it!

This is dedicated to you who can still feel dolo even while being the life of the party.

I give you the

Anti-Social Socialite

“It’s just a wrinkle in time that gets me thinking on why,

or How I even survived,

these streets’ll eat you alive!

But see these streets don’t apply…

It’s hard believing that I’m,

from the same place – I must be a beacon of light….

In shallow waters – I was born to swim,

Stay away from tides,

- had to pay my Tithes – say I’m born again.

Wasting time’s like they wait to die,

I was brought up where,

chaos thrives on Forsaken lives, on the corner yeah.

So there!

there you have it – it’s the story of a confident kid,

turned shy,

the hood made him frail.

On the same train as all them thugs, but he derailed,

so he never fell a victim to them drugs or them jails.

God knows how to pick ‘em but this was a hard sale,

I was goody-2 shoes of the ghetto when crack sales,

was at, all time highs…

Them days of Rich Porter and AZ,

when Pops had like 6 stores – it was crazy!

And this the same vessel – same core that had made me,

except for we was strugglin’ – we was poor in the 80’s.

Now take those elements and then place me,

in a school full of White kids, and you can see how that change me!

It’s sorta like Cinderella ‘cept,

everyday at 3 o’Clock,

you gotta send this fella back! to his block

full of felons, on the steps, where the cops,

probably let ‘em sling they rocks,

knowing this was like the start of Armageddon

-And the plot thickens…

I’m the product of two environments;

1 was in that white building,

2 was with them White children.

Now try to balance that! Quite the balance act,

Spiderman couldn’t hang upside down – I was sliding back,

and forth…

Sometimes I leaned more to the White side,

deep inside myself – I never thought it was the right side,

as a consequence – in Harlem, I was never outside,

that’s when I chose to write rhymes,

the T.V. gave me outlines.

So even as a tyke, you see I wasn’t opened quite wide,

but ain’t too many crazy folks who social life, I…

I know everybody but just can’t,

get close to nobody so fuck friends!

I go to the party and just stand,

- everybody else is so Lady GaGa – they Just Dance!

…And you can read my Pokerface,

nevermind the top, the bottom’s the loneliest place.

But ‘lonely’s,

a word that I just don’t say…

Just not the way that I feel,

not the way I was built!

Ain’t no switching up the mood when I’m the only face,

I’m my most comfortable when I’m alone – it’s safe.

I just don’t want to be forgotten,

so that’s why every now and then I pop into the spots where they say is poppin’ and Poppin’ Champagne – tho I’m not into:

Smoking and Drinking,

Yeah I know what you’re thinking;

I’m inside, but not In!

…Dude at the Industry party posted like,

I’m trying not to Hope I’m right.

- So at the end of the note I sign,

Sincerely Yours – Mr. Anti -Social, Socialite.

I’m Gone!”

Hope you learned something…

Click the image of the mixtape cover below to download it.

Sex & The Chocolate City – Entry #10

A Serendipitous moment on the train.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog about this guy I kept seeing on the train playing drums. I hadn’t seen him in the last couple of weeks since I had been out of town for almost a month. Well it just so happened that while I was on my way to Malik-16’s house last night, planning to tell him I really had nothing to write about for today’s blog post, worried about my numbness and lack of love life…guess who walks on the train after me: Drummer Boy. He instantly saw me and mentioned he hadn’t seen me in a while. Of course I was blushing and stuttering like a love stuck fool. The whole train was now staring at us because he decided to position his drum and himself right in front of me, away from the rest of his crew, while he played. Swoooooon

Taking a leap of faith from this serendipitous moment I gave him my number (along with my donation). I just ripped out a sheet a paper and scratched down my digits and he smiled then moved on to the next car. By the time I made it to Malik’s house I was already over thinking the entire moment.

It’s not like he asked me for my number. What if he had a wife or girlfriend? He’s way to good looking not too. And if he’s working on a train, does he even have a cell phone? Should we go out for coffee? How? Who will pay? Where does he live? What if he’s crazy? Good lord what have I done! Now crazy Drummer Boy has my number. Damn, damn, damn!

About an hour later, Drummer Boy texts me, asking permission to call, (answering the question about a cell phone). He was very sweet, polite, and poised. Then, amazingly, he asked me on a date and even offered to pick me up…in his car! To make a long story short, I’m excited and proud of myself for taking a chance with Drummer Boy. I’m probably one of the few women who would have ever taken that type of chance (or so I’ve been told). Even if nothing become of the situation, it’s still nice to know I looked beyond my shallowness and decided not to judge a book by its cover.

TDJ

You’ve waited, now here you have it…The follow up!!!

DRUMROLL……

I know it’s been a second since TDJ’s exciting entry # 5 where we met The Street performing dude on the train that she would frequently see on her way to and from the Planet of Brooklyn. Well, he has since been nicknamed “Drummer Boy” and the conclusion comes in the next jump above. She left us hanging in her struggle of moral judgement and arbitration, asking for your advice on whether she should give this guy a chance or not based on the fact that he seemingly makes his living, or at least spends his days beating on an African Drum on the crowded and dirty NYC subway cars.

How appropriate that 5 posts later would bring us here, at the follow-up Entry #10.

Enjoy kiddies,

and here’s the link to that original entry,

http://16scandles.wordpress.com/2009/12/22/sex-the-chocolate-city-entry-5/