this is the follow-up to my dare to go naked-faced!
I feel as scary as I look.
I think what I will do is make a quick video of myself everyday starting today and have you all tell me which look from which day suits me best. I already got the feedback from the person who made this dare pop in the first place, Mr. Brandon Carter – who thinks I look the most serious and ready-for -the-world that I have ever looked in my adult life!
The results so far have been mixed…some are saying I look sooo young, and if they’re not saying that, then they are telling me that I look weird. I’m on the latter side of things: I personally think that my worst fear was confirmed and look like I belong somewhere picking up men or children, but as far as the appearance of age, I think I actually look like an older man trying to look younger!
The only bright light here is that my boy Khalil came through my job today and made a comment about me looking like a dark-skinned Drake (PAUSE). The only thing that stopped that from being an insult, is that women seem to love this cat, so I figured hey, if I look gay, but still manage somehow to look like a guy who can get pussy….Why not rock with it?
Besides, my hair grows back super Fast! I think I’ll be more settled in around monday when my mustache outline grows back in, and I’ll try to ignore the fact that my barber was laughing at me as he nipped it off. But you guys let me know…
I’ll keep whatever style gets the most positive response/feedback.
P.S. I know technically, there’s no real way to “look Gay” but for the sake of ignorance, let’s just not make a big deal of that one huh?
This here is the official kick-off of an experiment that I’d like to begin this week. I was recently dared to shave off all of my facial hair, and I want to extend that out to as many heads that are down to do the same. I personally don’t believe I’ll ever do this again, but here goes…
I’m documenting this so you can follow the progress and witness the transformation. I’m looking forward to hearing your feedback – good or bad.
I’m really excited to make a thing out of this, so if I can get at least 5 others to do this crazy challenge with me, I’ll turn it into some kind of charity venture and make it worth walking around lookin like a Megan’s Law lister or an overall cornball.
Let me know tho. Either way, it’s a Hell of an experience, and all for your amusement and entertainment in the long run huh?
9 times out of 10 I’m my own worst enemy when it come to relationships. Between the insecurities, pressure, and unwillingness to see situations for what they truly are, I find myself in compromising positions that, inevitably, end. But, in my defense, some of the problems I’ve faced I’ve found over time, weren’t truly my fault. Some problems are like hidden diseases, unseen at first by the naked eye, but after careful diagnosis, the problem is generally concluded to be deadly.
So in light of this wonderfully lighthearted news, I present the top five Relationship Killers Series.
#5
Bad Breath & Body Odor
We’re all animals on this planet. We use our senses to get around in this world just like any other creature. The sense of smell, is probably the most valuable sense next to sight when it comes to dating. Smell plays a huge roll in sexual attraction to one another other, it’s in our genetic make up.
Fellas, when you see a girl across the room, you’re generally attracted to the sight of her. So what’s the second sense you’d probably encounter before you hear her voice, touch her arm, or taste her lips (I’m just praying you don’t go around kissing random strangers)?
And what happens when you find the perfect girl and she smells like cat poop? Of course your first reaction is to say “forget it, if she stank, I don’t want her!” But what if that girl was Janet Jackson, Beyonce, or Halle Berry? You’d be an idiot to not at least try to date her, right? So you forge ahead, halitosis be damn. But how far could the relationship go if every time you think about her, you remember her breath burning off your eyebrows. You can never cuddle with her in the morning, or, well, ever. You can never work out together since you may pass out from the fumes. You’d be bitter after spending all your hard earn money on specialized gum, mouthwash, perfumes, and body scrubs that only bandaids an internal problem.
What do you do when you find the perfect girl, all expect for that ONE thing? There’s nothing you can do, it’s a Relationship killer. Our pheromones were designed for a specific mate and it’s been scientifically proven that love screws our senses, making everything seem to smell like roses. Janet may stink to you but may smell great to Jermaine. So if you meet a girl and after several tries, your nose still is trying to jump off your face, let it go. Some folks would say how shallow of you to give up on the possibility of love based on such superficial traits. But those folks won’t have to deal with that funk for the rest of their lives like you would.
Tune in next week for Secret Relationship Killer Number 4: Your Best Friend
On this Day 16 of my whole Zoloft Files mixtape series, which marks the FINAL day, I just wanted to show love to the person who’s idea this whole day by day thing was in the first place. Shout out to the girl Naima for encouraging me to make a movement and a spectacle of this project which was intended to be really exclusive, personal and underground. She told me that I should use this as content for the blog after I told her that the tape would only be put out to promote it.
This is also poetic in it’s own way…
This is me presenting you with an ending and a beginning. This is the last day of me covering my 16 day adventure of who I know and who’s heard what. Me letting you into my life both visually and sonically. Me giving you my words so you can have a better idea of what I intended for you to hear, and what I was thinking when I wrote them. This is also me introducing you to my team: the duo who is poised to take me to the next place you may see the kid pop up. They asked to be down for the ride. So here you go. Watch what happens…
Let’s end this correctly. You all remember those awkward moments right? Those parts of your younger life that you’d like to leave behind or omit? How important are those wonder years to you? Well, whether you’ve already had yours or you’re anticipating it coming up, here’s a fictional glimpse into the worst possible outcome of mine – which should be popping up soon.
I always thought about how this would go down, way before the reality of it was in the view, so it was only right that I squeeze it on this project and round out the somber with a little humor.
For some reason, once again – I’m using a Kanye beat.
I know you can relate.
“This is a bootleg loop,
the cafeteria just fed us bootleg soup.
And now they relocating us,
to the 2nd floor in the gym – or as Oscar like to say it – the gynasium.
What up Oscar?
Aren’t you glad?
That you’re a 2002 grad, and not a 2000?
The new Millenium class,
Here we go again – let it scratch, and did I mention?
This is a bootleg loop,
we wonderin’ why we all went to this bootleg school.
And the name ain’t sayin much…
Only school in Manhattan that had to explain to others where the location was.
So sorry we’re not La Guardia,
wasn’t Fine Arts – but promise I was Avant Garde enough!
For everyone…
Hello everyone,
welcome to the 10 Year Reunion, thank you very much.
For reminding me,
of the shy Malik,
-the Mr. ugliest yearbook picture of all time Malik – Why Malik??
Don’t be so hard on yourself,
how was college? tell me now, are you a doctor as well?
…No I’m a dropout, dumbbell..
I was feeling like shit when I came in – now I feel like Hell!
(Thanks)
I’d like to drop a dumbbell…
On your Prada shoes – but I gotta move, I’m not doing well.
So on my way to the bathroom,
I see ol’ boy from Math 2…
Who liked to laugh – do jokes up in back 2 rows,
-that dude!
Yep,
…Clown of the classroom…
After a couple cracks about my height,
he take a couple stabs at how my life,
ain’t exactly how I…
imagined it’d be,
he said my braces probably be platinum before me, whatever that means.
Asked me why I ain’t on T.V.,
pat me on the back as if the jokes weren’t all on me,
and yeah I’m laughing back politely saying “calm down, just breathe’,
fighting the urge to slap his happy ass,
and shellack the floor with his teeth!
But then I thought, ‘hold up…
this dude was foolish,
and class clowns always turn out to be losers!’
Come to find out,
he owns computer labs
-designed a troubleshooter program – now who can use the math?!”
Hope you learned something…
Click the picture of the mixtape cover to download it.
I absolutely cannot stand this question, for the answer is pretty self-evident when you’re single. Nothing. I have no plans. I won’t be so extreme as to say that I hate this holiday but it’s definitely not one of my favorites. Although I’m a huge fan of pink, roses, chocolate hearts and strawberries, there is nothing more depressing than seeing all these happy couples flaunt their relationships in front of you while you speed home to your pint of ice cream to try to avoid the world. Ok, that’s a tad bit extreme, it’s not like girls are purposefully dangling their boyfriends holding flowers in front of me (of course some of them are. Bitches.) But you can get really overwhelmed by the amount of couples you see on V-Day. It’s like a bitch slap reminder that you have no one. It sucks.
I’ve gone through great lengths in the past to avoid this day. So much that I’ve flown out the country just to avoid it but stupidly didn’t factor in that maybe Jamaican’s celebrate the foolish holiday too. It’s not that I’m upset or regret being single, it’s just inconvenient at times like these. Yes I have plenty of guy friends, like Malik-16, that can stand in as dates when I need them. But sometimes, I wouldn’t mind snuggling up with a warm body on what’s claim to be one the most “romantic” nights of the year. A boy, not my homeboy.
Anyhoo, Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! If you have someone, cherish them, adore them, not on this one day, but every day. And if you’re alone, relax, it’s just one day of the year that you have to ease your way through without killing anybody who ask you stupid questions like “So who’s your Valentine?” or “Where’s your boyfriend?” or “Why are you so cranky?” (I didn’t say you couldn’t slap a couple of folks though).
In this joint, I play Doctor to myself and pull apart all of the factors that may be possible contributors to what would make such an otherwise happy-go-lucky young man turn into this self – pitying somber rapper who needed to make a trilogy of depressing songs to make you the company to his misery. All this while reminding me that Iam the answer to all of my problems. Deep stuff huh? Maybe I should have stayed in school and put that psych major to work huh?
Here’s that verse…
“Well,
to conclude…
My appropriate diagnosis I have come to…
Your mind’s engulfed with, time and goals you’re trying run to…
And I hope you’re not biting off more than you might chew,
so why focus on bitin’ off T.I. and that group?
When your diet’s all a quiet dose of triumph subdued?
For your mind it’s food,
and your supply’s huge.
Your time alone provides a hole that’s dire to you,
your eyes are on a prize you know’s so far out of view.
But here’s what’s interesting:
You’re close to it…
It’s slightly underneath your nose – you’re unnoticed – and you know it – so it’s daunted your mood,
and it’s so sickening,
you suppose quitting is something to do
-well…
You have to ask yourself: what’s your options?
You told me on the phone before you got in…
that you actually, been considering – going,
back to college…
Even though you hated it in undergrad at Howard.
But now you’re playing with the thought of being a psychologists – like me,
going all the way to get your doctorate!
But would that entail stoppin,
with the music?
And is stopping a thing that you could truly go through with?
Or could you do them simultaneously?
It might take a wee bit more effort -but you get why I’m saying these things, right?
…These are questions you must ask inside…
to make sure you’re not caught up in frustration indeed.
Like when you say to me you wanna quit life,
is that momentary?
Or have there been times before that?
I can’t ignore that,
but I would ask what would bring on that…
feeling so resolute, and absolute
-let’s go back when you said you had all the chics and lost them,
and make sure you’re not so used to this performance – this ladies man persona,
but when you’re really all a -lone…
It’s difficult – it’s awkward.
And with no one to talk ta, it probably on this,
conclusive thought of the end – but it depends – you started writing these songs all cause,
the things that we just talked on – so then…
It has a function – it’s cathartic,
and you shouldn’t feel bad about it, no matter all the volumes…
If you need to write a hundred songs it’s alright,
it’s self-healing,
really it is keeping you alive.
Cause your drive, is exceptional…
But what underlies, is you desire to feel you’re accepted too.
You have a mild obsession with wanting to feel special…
to be praised and,
see the best of you.
In other words you wanna
but not in a conventional way,
you wanna be up on a pedestal.
You’re afraid to be common,
which is common…
listen, you are not crazy – I promise!
But the odd part is:
talking to me here,
Is kinda like talking to the mirror…
Which defines your mental health…
especially if you answer right back,
so you have just diagnosed yourself!
So Analyze That…”
Hope you learned something…
Click the picture of the mixtape cover to download it.
16's Candles 