*Zoloft Files Edition* Hot 16…Or More…THE HILL

For todays Hot 16, I ‘d like to introduce you to a guy who’s not afraid of dying, but of getting old.

Iam an extreme example of the kind of poisonous Western thinking that celebrates youth and youth culture, making the old less and less important and significant in society.

My good friend TDJ (You know her), taught me so much in understanding her relationship with her grandmother before she passed. She would make weekly trips to visit her, she held and still holds her in such high esteem. Really, I believe she is the main reason why TDJ moved back here to begin with! TDJ’s bond with her Grandmother represents a reverence that’s all too gone and forgotten. I have so much admiration for those of my generation or any generation for that matter, who still have that acknowledgement and appreciation for those who came before.

I didn’t get that oppurtunity with one of my Grandmothers, and I couldn’t tell you the last time I spoke to the other.

I don’t have a fear of the old. I have a fear of my old. The lurking feeling of the inevitable fade out…

There’s something truly depressing and tragic about the promise of a time of deterioration.

To me, death is a much comfortable fate than living through the onset of it. Living a life without being able to move when, where and how you want is not living. Being ABLE. That’s the key word. I always wondered, why retirement is set at such a late age. I know people are living ALOT healthier these days, but what good is freedom when you can’t capitalize on it to the fullest? It’s like in The Shawshank Redemption when they let the old man free after so many years, and he didn’t know what to do with himself.

People listen to you less, you pee more, you become a job for your family. A liability on travels. A responsibility. It’s tough.

I know the approach and advice that everyone will give you is some old ‘life is beautiful in all of it’s stages’ spiel, or some ‘every season has it’s beginning and end‘ circle-of-life B.S., but there’s no way to pretty up the descent down that hill.

As a 20-something year old, the biggest event that my peers have been running from while preparing for is the loom of 30.

30 marks the end of irresponsibility and frivolous life choices. It’s the end of what many consider ‘the best years of your life’. To compound my fear of growing old with a mild fear of numbers is to say the least, the last thing I need, but it exists, still in all in the back of my mind. Especially considering the field Iam in. 27 is not the best entrance age. But all I can hope is that when I do it, I do it big! and I commit to living the healthiest life I can now, so I can continue to do so in those days closer to the last. A better 20’s means a better 80’s.

You hear that, Drinkers and Smokers?

We all gotta get there. Make yours as less painful as possible.

Here’s my take on reaching that Hill…

“Now there’s a Hill,

Invisible – yet and still,

that which you cannot see ain’t the same as that which you feel.

And when you get to that summit,

that plummet is very real,

– cause the view from up top shows how long you’ve got from now up until…

Or worse yet,

it shows just how far you have gotten – it’s ill,

-despicable mirror view – low down dirty rotten it kills,

spirits and breaks hearts,

send arctic type of chills – cause you thought you were way smarter,

the architecture that built,

your younger years was fra -gile…

Throwing away,

parts of that party life now it spills,

on to the late parts of your life

– off to a late start

– you ain’t make all the moves you promised since College – promised you will,

almost time to make plots, get insurance and write wills,

You in the same spot, ain’t no progress – your fate sealed,

situated hardly but waiting for all the thrills,

that went away,

probably blowing out in old wind – while we frozen – hopin’ our golden moments aren’t all over

The Hill

That hour glass ain’t slow,

but before it’s all up, you grow up.

We all gotta get old – but you gotta take control, cause that Hill is looking closer.

See How the days just go,

that hourglass ain’t slow,

but before it’s all up, you grow up.

We all gotta get old – but you gotta take control, cause that Hill is looking Closer…

They say 30’s the new 20,

why does it seem so ominous?

maybe cause it’s symbolic of all of the broken promise.

Or maybe cause it’s synonymous with all you ain’t accomplish,

all of the things you thought you’d a gotten by now – you plotted…

You jotted it down…

had a 5-year plan…

at 25 years – damn,

you’ve gotten wise – took stands.

Shook hands,

read The Secret,

Even read Think And Grow Rich,

so why’s the top of The Hill…the coldest peak?

– it’s like Everest,

and you can’t ever rest – you slowly sinking – I’m slowly thinking,

if 30’s like this – I don’t hope to see it!

I got, 3 mo’,

before 3-0,

– I can’t believe I’m, parading here,

tryin’a make a career, emceeing.

I mean,

at 18,

it was every cliche dream,

the skills’,

what I believed,

would take me to get a deal.

-Now I’m taking lunch breaks at 12 – Brown-bagging – bringing in meals,

seeing my life unravel between the tangerine’s peels…

And that’s just 30,

picture 40 and 50 yields…

a greater feeling of lament,

laying up watching reels,

of younger you,


what became of your zeal,

– now just waking up is a task – pray the doctors say they can heal.

Cause now you gotta worry about a  whole new set of ills,

That ain’t exist 10 years ago – Superman complex’s surreal.

All aglow- it all can go,

it’s awesome tho – for all the growth,

that’s all to show for it- before you know it,

we all almost over The Hill…”

Hope you learned something.

Click the picture of the mixtape cover to download it. Stay Young at heart! Watch a cartoon today…

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