Fuck Snow!!!

So here we are again,

on the verge of another snow storm that threatens to blanket NYC in it’s angelic reminder of all that’s EVIL. Another day prior of worrying about how many inches will actually land and stick, subtracted from that which actually falls. We cross our hearts that we’re not Westchester, New Jersey or Long Island, but envy them for having drive-ways and garages and not having to truly dig their ways out of any thing in order to drive.

Regardless of what happens this week, you can believe that the news and weather media will do their best to try and scare the bejeezus out of us with warnings, advisories and special Mayoral addresses. I mean, what kind of city are we living in when the official news provider has journalists telling you NOT to go outside if you can help it.

More importantly, what kind of weather is this?

What the hell is snow? Whereas rainfall serves an actual purpose and balances out ecosystems, snow is just a granular form of precipitation made of crystalline water-ice particles. Sure, water can be extrapolated from the snow, but snow tends to fall within months and areas where there is little to no life around in need of it. Bears are hibernating, most trees are deciduous, most animals and insects are tucked away, living off of what they stored, and humans are just plain bothered and in perpetual avoidance of it.

Sure, some of you pretend it’s fun at first, and so damn beautiful when it’s falling down, but most of you haven’t lived in the rotten apple all of your lives and had to endure the painstaking task of navigating through it, sloshing through it, having it slow down your commute, envying other cities that shut down everything at the first inch of accumulation, and then watching it fester for weeks at a time-turning a delightful New York City yellow, brown, gray and ultimately Black. It’s like a personal ugly Autumn of crap, only followed by the final insult of turning into giant puddles that we get sploshed on us, or inevitably splosh in, despite our best efforts to dodge them. Similar to how people view and approach bringing life into the world; they romanticize the baby part and the beauty of the infancy, but don’t factor in the aftermath and the headache and heartache that comes with adolescence and teenage years. Snow is that. Headache and Heartache.

Having all of this said, I ask…Why do we put up with this as New Yorkers??! I’ve lived in NYC as an adult for 5 years now and upon the third year, I began to ask myself, why the FUCK have I put up with this shit so long?? Is it because this is THEE NEW YORK CITY? The hub of everything that matters? The city that never sleeps? The place where if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere? The most expensive city in the West, and quite possibly the GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD???

Is this why we get up and accept having our fingertips freeze off at 6 a.m. as we shovel our vehicles out of snowpiles that we can almost hear laughing at us? Is this why we go to work through 7-inch trudgery on the ground beneath us? Why we accept crazy looks from our bosses who got to work before us because they live in one of the aforementioned places above and got there before us because they drove the highway that was definitely cleared before they even woke up and didn’t have to deal with 20 minute train delays and wet socks? Why we accept dirty coats and jackets attacked by pasty white residue that just won’t rub off, and all of the acidic damage of salt? Is it why we accept weather temperatures that match the ages of our children for 4 months??

At it’s most insulting, snow is just a physical reminder of how horrible New York weather is. We have the worst elevation, air and climate system ever! Our summers are unbearable, and our Winters kick our ass. Why we don’t all migrate to Florida and California, I don’t understand. We put on our happy faces and make ourselves believe that we like it, or that we can deal with it, because we want to be here so bad. As Frank Sinatra Iconically stated, we “want to be apart of it”. That IT is everything. It’s what allows us to accept these small-ass apartments and extremely high cost of living. It’s why we don’t protest when the MTA raises fares on us every 6 months for reasons we still can’t figure out. It’s because of this place…The aura, the appeal. But I’m jaded to the appeal. I’ve been here forever and I’ve got my eye on having a winter home for these cold months. Fuck a summer home.


-The End


  1. I sooooo agree w/ u on now living as an adult in nyc during the winter. It can plain ole suck. It def makes me constantly contemplate being in a warmer climate. However, i think there is beauty in the changing seasons, tho the city doesn’t make it a pleasurable experience. the seasons reflect how people and animals live i.e. through modes of growth, gestation, and hibernation, and the snow forces us to live through these modes. So the presence of snow does have meaning and value just as other types of weather, precipitation, climatea, etc. Your writing on this one was really dope.

  2. I agree: FUCK SNOW. But DETROIT is the greatest city in the world; it’s just hiding underneath the slums right now.

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