A post about relationships that I inspired…So you can be inspired…

In all my non-active bloggerness, I neglected to make mention of the fact that my favorite couple started a relationship blog dealing with all things marital and united. Starrene and Anslem Rocque chronicle their journey and do their best to share their youthful insight weekly on their aptly named site,

The Lovers Rocque.

Last month I asked Starr if she had any advice on living together with your mate and she told me that I gave her an idea for her next post on the site. Thus, this was born…http://www.theloversrocque.com/home/6-tips-for-successfully-shacking-up.html

Not only is it super useful, helpful and bookmark-worthy for anyone looking to make that leap, I also like to think that I was the catalyst for this one and it’s dedicated to me in my small piece of the blogosphere. Enjoy…

Thanks Starr & Anslem.



No Further ADU!

The Queen.

I told you I was going to do this post!

Welcome again to my favorite segment of this site.

My Love affair with Helen FolaSade Adu is a bit deeper than a crush admittedly.

She is so unaffected that it’s alluring.

Her detached, otherworldly demeanor is apart of her mystique.

The Original MILF, she made 40, put 20 -somethings to shame when she re-emerged after the first of her 2 Ten year hiatuses. Her model-esque features, golden skintone and the Goddess-like air about her are what makes her something almost dreamy. There may also be alot to be said for the whole Euro thing and the knowledge that she is directly from the continent of Africa. African women have this Beauty that seems to stem from the face more than anywhere else, and European women have this sexual appeal that is hard to define.

Now, I’m in no position to harp on forehead sizes, so I won’t touch on the much mentioned subject that still remains the ONE thing that people come up with when they’re looking for a flaw in Ms. Adu, but I dare you to find another.

I can say that, just like my last Crush Alot entry, Tatyana M. Ali, Sade is severely affected by the Jungle Fever bug to the point that I don’t think there’s ever been a Black man in the public records of her lovelife. But a guy can dream right?

This may be the shortest Crush Alot entry I’ve done because there’s not much more that I can tell you about her that you don’t already know or haven’t already heard.

Like I mentioned before in a previous blog,

Black men seemingly have this Oedipus Complex with Sade.

It’s a tricky web of respect and regale, mixed with the desire to be with, an appreciation for the total package of her beauty and the secret lust to just want to see the freak behind the mysterious glare.

True enough,

Sade is obviously fully aware and in control of her seductiveness. But, perhaps this being a sign of age or class, unlike the Beyonce’s of our time, she puts it in your face, without you even realizing it. It’s in her eyes. Her poses. The profile she strikes or the hypnotism of her graceful movements. Something is to be said about the woman who can make love to the camera. And hers is especially dangerous because it’s far from blatant. In fact, it’s very controlled and understated. It builds the imagination. But yet agin, there’s that web

I’ve never had a straight -up sexual thought about Sade. As a matter of fact, in all my times of barber shop and car wash convo, I don’t ever recall hearing any man speak in reference to her in any inappropriate way. Even though we all know in the back of our minds that we’d love to be the guy she takes to bed with her, there’s just this underlying reminder of her Maternal energy. Even before we knew she was leaving the game to drop babies.

Coupled with this mommy-like energy, she has this super-powerful glow to her. A kind of surreal existential charm.

This is only enhanced when married together with her lyrics and voice. I don’t think I’ve ever even heard Sade speak in an interview (But speaking of which, how crazy and awkward is it that she’s going to be on BET’s 106 & Park tonight as a guest performer???! – talk about generation gaps and courtesy claps – I’ll be cringing in a few hours for sure), but her singing voice, while highly debated upon, is the stuff that haunts.


for one,

Love her voice. the Accent and all…

And as an owner of all of her albums, I understand that her words meet the music in places most artists can’t even imagine. They make the songs in conjunction.

Take one of my favorites,

“Couldn’t Love You More”

Even her humming & adlibing is perfectly placed and moves the songs where they’re supposed to be moved.

Here’s a boatload of my favorite songs and videos of hers. Why not??

(If you recognize the Bassline of this song, then you may be old enough to remember that the Late Teddy Pendergrass made a small Comeback hit in the early 90’s using a sample of this song. You also know that Sade is one of the hardest groups and artists to sample from).

And 2 of my Favorite videos of all time – EVER!!

Her New album, Soldier Of Love is out today.

To keep up with all the newest and latest with her, check out her site.

And if you’re like me, you are FEENIN’ for a chance to see her perform live. So if any of you out there have any leads, hit me  Please!

And then today, my boy Killa texts me to tell me about some song with her, Erykah Badu & Maino!!


You know I’ll get to the bottom of this…

In the meantime,

nevermind that you are finally looking your age, or the fact that I dated another chic with your name,


You are and always will be,

My Crush!

*Zoloft Files Edition* Hot 16…Or More…LOSER OF LOVE

Day 7 folks.

This was a song that I released last year on it’s own on myspace (Damn, even saying it sounds played out) for Valentine’s day. It was a part of a three song special I did dealing with relationships. The other song was an ode to 2pac’s style of making girl -songs (Or as he would say, “for the bitches”). And the other song, aptly titled, “The Bitch” was about a certain carribean chic I was dealing with, who drove me to edge of  patience with her intimacy issues and anger management problems.

Back then, this song was only called “Luv”, because it finds me having a conversation with the personification of Love itself, going over my unstable history with it, and my inevitable side-eye towards it. This track is filled with imagery, and all kinds of nods, from New edition and Grey’s Anatomy references and allusions to Iceman (Bobby Drake).

It was the homegirl Toni-Ann‘s favorite song from me last year and she showed lots of love for “Luv”.

Now it’s the sister song to track 3, “Lover of Love”,  a contrast to my seeming infatuation with it and addiction to the newness of it. It’s also now my team, Naima & Mike‘s favorite song that I’ve EVER done (which is quite insulting, but I’ll take it for now…).

So much so that the boy Mike took it upon himself to do an animation of My Zoloft Files mixtape cover along with the track. So watch it, or listen to it and read the lyrics – whatever you can manage simultaneously!


you might wanna sit down for this one…

…lot I gotta get out with this one

– Off my chest…


Almost lost my breath,

cause God took a rib out for this love.

Word to Adam

You ain’t gotta spit – nah, just listen,

I ain’t ’bout to flip out – no bitchin’,

Just words and chattin’…

‘mano y mano’ – I know,

I can’t say man-to-man,

it’s more like man-to-man’s affliction.

Sorry to call you that,

but  plenty aliases in your file – and they’re all attached,

been plenty failed attempts to throw you down and they’ve fallen flat,

ain’t even give you a number to dial and you callin back ..

somehow on my line…

I’m like ‘get out my mind!’,

your reply is you live more inside of my heart – don’t start!

Talkin’ bout some muscle in the breast

cause that’s the same muscle – got me stressed.

And homey my Anatomy ain’t Grey – except that matter in my brain,

that tell me that’s okay, if I feel mad and pretty jaded.

Sangers wanna sang those,

happy songs and rainbows,

-You in Living Color – I’m okay with givin shade, so…

if Black is the absence,

then in your absence,

I treat not having you like the whole month of February

And celebrate my Blackness,

cause I’mma stay Black everyday!

Tho’ that’s a bad practice that perhaps can,

eat away at your soul – I’ll act as if I ain’t phased,

and no, that Blackness ain’t a void,

it’s just that I’m annoyed with the habit of having you in the way…

Every time happiness happens,

make me wanna do backflips – dammit!

You have a way…


tippin’ the axis,

that bright light flash gets, snatched!

That quick, so back to Black’s where I’m gonna Fade


Stevie said If It’s Magic, then let it be everlasting’

– awww dammit!

There I go again,

Brandon told me if  I rap too fast then,

the people probably, gonna skip right past it – well please!

By all means,

smooth it out,

Cause New Edition warned me,

To Cool It Now

(“oohh, watch out!“)

Before I lose, control

but you responsible for the blues, the woes

The high divorce rates, court dates and court shows,

…can’t explain that Love, huh? I thought so!

I fought so hard to get to know you as a teen,

couldn’t get a girl – but had a dream.

Once I got the girls – I couldn’t lean…

Haven’t been alone since – so to be alone is bad to me.

I know it’s bad to keep a chic around for the sake of it,

her waking up naked with me, ain’t the same as it being you

That me and her is making an‘ – basking in the glow of – but,

you’ve been kinda tainted ever since I’ve grown up.

And now that I’m older – there’s an empty feeling,

-cause you made the women colder,

and less revealing.

They won’t op-en up to you

So how could they get close to me??! Woe is me!

And if they too young, they don’t know a thing!

If they my age, they got baggage, holdin 3,

or 4 bags at a time – they shoulders deep,

in what the last man did – they shoulders keep…

Big Chips, like Texas Hold ‘Em – Freeze!

Probably make, a nigga turn to Bobby Drake over these…

Cold-shoulder breezes – turned to shrugs


let’s  do a  review of all the things you’ve shown to me…


-I’m no Kanye, but I’ll take my chances,

and pass if this is sposed to be…


Hope you learned something…

Click the picture of the mixtape cover to download it.

Love me!

*Zoloft Files Edition* Hot 16…Or More…LOVER OF LOVE

Day 3 ya’ll,

and how fitting that the boy Brandon Carter decides to use his run-by as a platform to try to play me on the Love-life tip and the supposed motivation behind this very project.

It goes right in line with the song that we’ll be getting into the lyrics of today.

This is one of my favorite rhymes to read written. I think it highlights the seriousness of what I’m saying where it may get lost due to my playful delivery on the track.

This is actually the sister song to track 7 on this same volume.

They go into my approach towards Love and what I invest into it.

This stands as a favorite not only because it’s therapuetic, but I think it’s half self-deprecating, Part accepting, and part not-give-a-fuck tone gives a different spin on the typical rapper introspection.

Besides that,

It’s pretty Self -explanatory.

Whereas Andre spoke on the Love Hater or Hater of Love,

This is my life as the opposite…

“Stupid Muthafuckas like me!

Fall in Love with the thought of Love,

better warn your daughters – hide their student IDs.

Cause more than likely…

I probably Court ’em – only to get Caught up in like, 4 months – watch me call ’em Wifey.

Yeah it’s sorta my thing,

Cause when it come to borderline divorces: I’m King!

And all the time I walk the line and cross it slightly,

Start talking prematurely on some yours and mine things,

that should not be discussed…

And I get gassed up cause I’m awarded Highly, in the sport of Piping!

And it’s not me to trust – But I…

Don’t usually,


I’ll be honest…I promise…

Cause it’s got me disgusted!

What’s this??!!

Some Pimp,

Look to me more like a square,

Hooked to these broads like a brassieres,

– I make me Hate me – I swear!

But is it true??

Am I really that pitiful?

This is me at my most analytical.

Let’s strip dude apart:

Big kid with big heart,

been with,

been apart,

This is-n’t a smart decision

-cause this in-ci-sion’s beginning an op-er-a-tion,

that can take a lifetime – and the doc…

Is Dr. Love

And she ain’t got no patience for me,

cause I complain too much, and she got other patients to see.

So patch me up – give me my clothes back,

close that hole that you started making…

clearly I have got that anxious disease.

I’m in Love with being in Love,

and even tho it ain’t really happen to me, E-nough…

I be chasing with speed.

So here’s my co-pay,

I gots to go – Hey!

There’s a future failure waiting for me.

Making believe,

making a tree,

one day to be…

K-I-S-S, I-N-G

-with the Love of my life,

Hopefully not just my Love for tonight,

It’s no wonder why I find myself time and time again in that cycle – Love Potion # 9,

til I find her – I’m the stupid muthafucka saying I Love. I Love. I Love…”

Hope you learned something.

Click the picture of the Mixtape Cover to Download it so you can hear this song in all of it’s Glory!

All Hail! SADE Returns with New Single. New Album February 2010!



I know by now you’ve heard this from 80 million entertainment blogs and music outlets, but damn,

Someone was JUST asking me when she’s coming back out. You always hear the same point made in reference to Ms. Adu; ‘she always takes 10 years inbetween albums’.

Well, it’s officially been 8.

Maxwell eat your heart out! We’re about to see how a comeback is truly done.

What a way to build anticipation! It almost looks like she’s embracing her status as an ethereal Icon in these promo shots.

Now I get the thing with Sade. You either are madly in Love with her and her music like myslef who owns every last release, or you just can’t get into it.

Her songs are either your ultimate idea of what Romance sounds and feels like, or it’s the soundtrack to suicide.

My Aunt Jackie was teasing me recently about how ALL black men have an ongoing love affair with Sade and are totally infatuated with her.

I don’t know if that’s the case, but it does seem to be a prominent Commonality. With that said, look for a Super Love Deluxe Sade special Crush Alot section honoring the Queen in February.

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, and my growing iTunes collection,

Sade returns to the music scene on February 8th with her first album since her early millenium release, Lovers Rock. The aptly titled Soldier of Love, is the lead single which is also the name of the album. It finds her experimenting with a harder, more metallic, Drum heavy sound, while maintaining her sultry, other-worldy presence (Hear it here – http://www.sade2009.com/index.php)

Now, since I’m not a music journalist, I’ll stop there and stick to what I know – Which is Irony.

How’s this for Irony?

Why is this album dropping on the same date that is the birthday of my last girlfriend, who’s name happens to be what??…Shade….

A Day in the life of Mr. 16…

Sex & The Chocolate City – Entry #2

An apology to all my Ex’s

Dear Previous Lovers,

This is me apologizing to you for a change: I’m sorry for being an asshole. There, I said it. It took years for me to build that one sentence in my head. Years of soul searching, reflection, and self-recognition.  I am sorry for what I put you through. I know dealing with a girl like me wasn’t easy. I have issues I can admit to. I don’t trust very easily, I can be jealous, spiteful or I can just simply not care at all. I have a temper that I repeatedly apologize for and tend to say things without thinking. I suppose I’ve always assumed that men don’t have an ounce of sensitivity in them, and the words I say couldn’t possible cut as deep as they apparently do. I push people away, even when I need them and can be selfish when it comes to my feelings. It’s a defense mechanism. I am always on guard to protect myself at all cost. Even if the cost means loosing you.

I’m not saying all this to take you completely off the hook. I’m not bipolar, my actions and words were not without reason. However, I don’t want you thinking that everything that happened between us was your fault alone. I take full responsibility for my actions, whether I hung up on you, shouted at you, or left you completely dumbfounded. I admit that being so hurt in the past has inevitably scarred me. But it wasn’t fair for you to pay for the last man’s mistakes.

A lot of you are in happy healthy relationships, even marriage. And I’m happy for you. I wish you nothing but success in your futures. As for me, I am taking a big leap into adulthood (a little late, but you know me) and being the bigger person. I’ve learned from my mistakes and what they have cost me. Thank you for teaching me such important life lessons.

Love, TDJ