The truth about why Men Cheat! Courtesy of Brandon Carter

My homegirl Tyiesha from the Bank across the street came into my day gig the other day in the midst of a testosterone-filled afternoon thanks to ever-so-reliable controversy sparkers, Gee and non other than Brandon Carter.

Well….Ms. Tyiesha had a question that seemed simple enough to her, as it does to most women apparently, but is really the age old question that’s been tormenting their minds for centuries now. Her question?

Why do men cheat? If they know they’re gonna cheat, why have a girlfriend?

The answer is as simple in actuality as her question seemed in theory.

Watch here as Brandon Breaks it down for all women. For any of you men who somehow didn’t know this, I guess this is Man-Up 101 for you as well!

Let me just go on record as saying that this is a conversation that I have held a million times, I prompted this particular convo, and I would like it to be known that I do not condone nor relate to any man who cheats in a serial fashion. In other words, I don’t associate with CHEATERS on average. I don’t respect what they do, nor have I ever been. YET, it is my firm belief that almost EVERY Man WILL CHEAT if given the proper oppurtunity, and have cheated at least once in their lifetimes (if they are the kind that actually get women). I know women cheat alot as well, but our reasons are totally different…Mainly because men don’t require reason at all for their infidelites. And yes, I have cheated before.

Your thoughts?

Sex & The Chocolate City – Entry #11

Young Cougars

I am twenty-seven and a half years old but on some days, I look like I’m no older than nineteen. (I’m not tooting my own horn here, this is the truth.) Looking this young, isn’t always a good thing when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Some men will steer clear of me, worried about being the next R. Kelly, leaving only the young bucks left to holla at me. When I say young, I mean twenty-two and below. As far as maturity is concerned, that’s light years away from my age. It’s also down right embarrassing when high school boys try to get my number on the train then look shellshock when I tell them my age.

About a week ago, this guy, age twenty-one, asked me for my number. He was adorable, sweet, funny, and seemed rather mature for someone who was still in college. I kept asking myself “What am I doing” considering his age, but he was pretty persistent, I was flattered. And afterwards, all I could do is laugh at my over thinking of such a small event. It’s not like I’m Stella looking to get my groove back but we’re not even in the same demographic. There are twenty-five and older parties he wouldn’t be able to attend. He wouldn’t even be able to rent a car!

I’ve toyed around with the idea of dating a younger man before. But even dating guys that are only two years younger than me have been disastrous. I’ve seen some of my friends do it with relatively good results. Some only want younger boys men, so they can “train” them at an early age to be what they want them to be. I call them young cougars in training.

My girlfriend met a young buck at a party. He was twenty-three, she was twenty-eight.

He called and text no less than four times a day (mind you he didn’t have a job, so he had nothing else better to do). He would show up at her house uninvited on numerous occasions and tried to commandeer all of her time. Now I know what you’re thinking, so what, any guy of any age could do that. But my friend was a successful professional with her own car and condo. This particular dude wanted her to wear his class ring even though they only knew each other for three weeks and still live at home with his Momma, who did his laundry and made him lunch everyday.

As for me, I just don’t think I can do it. Men around that age have so much growing up to do. I’ve had to deal with growing with men, accompanied by heartbreak and utter confusion for the last decade of my dating life. Why would I put myself through the ringer again?  When you’re in your early twenties, you’re so confident, almost cocky, when it comes to what you want because you’re so sure. But honestly, no one really knows what they want or need at that time. There are forty year old women who still don’t have it together.

But, I am almost thirty. I suppose robbing cradles will be in my future soon enough.

TDJ

Sex & The Chocolate City – Entry #7

A DECADE OF MEN

Happy New Year folks! I’m sure all of you were excited to ring in the new year with the promise of a new start, after throwing another ten years behind you (especially that ’09, sheesh). I also bet you had a chance to reflect on your love lives in the past ten years as well. Some of you’ve been through a couple of relationships, breakups, or have taken steps to marriage. A decade is a tremendous time for growth. Looking back on the last ten years of my own dating history, I’ve seen MANY ups and downs but I’ve also seen a few patterns. So on Sunday, after ringing in the New Year and sobering up, I listed all the men I’ve dated that were significant in the past ten years (i.e that dude that took me to Red Lobster my Freshman year with holes in the bottom of his car, doesn’t count). I listed strengths, weakness, and what went wrong.

Examples:

Name: Al

Dated: 2002, then again 2004

Strengths: Honest, brilliant, humble

Weakness: insensitive, vain, selfish

The End: The Fade Out

Name: Aaron

Dated: 2005

Strengths: caring, sweet, funny.

Weakness: Pushover, sloppy drunk, needed to learn how to use lotion.

The End: Massive fight in the Bahamas

The reason for the exercise, I wanted to see if there was a pattern in the men I was choosing for myself. I also wanted to recognize any bad habits in myself. I noticed that I’ve dated a lot of guys in the past that were really sweet but when it came down to business of us they couldn’t speak their minds and were cowards about their feelings. So I suggest, if you’re still single, to try this exercise. It may be painful, at first, thinking back to all those assholes, but sometimes, looking at the bigger picture from older and wiser eyes may be all the explanation you ever really needed.

TDJ