A post about relationships that I inspired…So you can be inspired…

In all my non-active bloggerness, I neglected to make mention of the fact that my favorite couple started a relationship blog dealing with all things marital and united. Starrene and Anslem Rocque chronicle their journey and do their best to share their youthful insight weekly on their aptly named site,

The Lovers Rocque.

Last month I asked Starr if she had any advice on living together with your mate and she told me that I gave her an idea for her next post on the site. Thus, this was born…http://www.theloversrocque.com/home/6-tips-for-successfully-shacking-up.html

Not only is it super useful, helpful and bookmark-worthy for anyone looking to make that leap, I also like to think that I was the catalyst for this one and it’s dedicated to me in my small piece of the blogosphere. Enjoy…

Thanks Starr & Anslem.

 

 

Sex & The Chocolate City – Entry #14

The Secret Relationship Killer Series

So I hope you’ve all had a chance to read the introduction to this Secret Relationship Killers series. We started with number 5: Bad Breath & Body Odor. Now we move on to number four: your best friend.

We all have a best friend. That one solid person you can go to, rely on no matter what. That person has probably been through thick and thin with you through heart breaks and fist fights. So it’s only natural that your friend would be someone else biggest obstacle. Your best friend in an impenetrable force that keeps you from doing something stupid. True, not all friends have the best intentions or are always right. Some friends can be jaded or unbeknownst to them jealous of what you may or may not have, otherwise known as haters. But it’s not their fault, completely. Friends honestly believe they have your best interest at heart.

When you have a best friend, they’re there for life. Any person that comes in after that, i.e a man, is free to leave when they want. Hence, ladies, if your man has a serious problem with your best friend, he has every right not to feel it necessary to deal with it, which could mean not dealing with you at all. So, you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. You either give up your man or give up your best friend. So what do you do? Let him go. You can break up with a boy, but you can’t break up with a friend. You can divorce a husband, but you can’t divorce your friend. Sure, every situation is different. Sometimes your friend is dead ass wrong.  But your friends are your rear view mirrors, there suppose to watch your back no matter what, enabling them to see the flaws in a man that you don’t. So if there is no way your friend and your man can find some way to get along for the sake of your relationship, then for the sake of your sanity, let him go. But, first, have a LONG discussion with that relationship killer. Make sure the reasons behind her dislike are valid or at least logical. If not, lay down ground rules as far as your happiness is concerned and pray to death your man loves you enough to put up with the evil eye.

Life without love sucks, but life with out friends is impossible.

Tune in next week for Secret Relationship Killer Number 3: Money

TDJ

Sex & The Chocolate City – Entry # 3

The eye of the Tiger

So I know everyone has been talking about the ‘Tiger Tiger Woods ya’ll’ scandal, so I figured I’d throw in my two cents. (Dust off soap box, clears throat)

Hear ye’, Hear ye’! Men cheat. He is a man. This is nothing new. That is all.

I mean, were people really surprised by this? cause I certainly was not. The only thing that made me raise a fraction of an eyebrow was the amount of attention and buzz this created, as if this was a new concept. A complete media frenzy, with women, pearls clutched, gasping at the audacity of Tiger, the utter definition of a melting pot who reached fame through his putt putt skills and cheated on his snow white wife.

Presidents, Businessmen, athletes, rappers, drug dealers, even delivery men cheat. So for people to be so astonished by this is a mystery to me.

I am in no way saying that every man on the planet cheats, or that all famous men cheat, but let’s face it, statistics don’t lie. 57% of all married men have had an extra marital affair at some point. Average length of an affair, TWO years and in most cases, the affairs are never discovered.

And then women have the nerve and audacity to ask the question why. Why did this happen? Why did he cheat on me?

Let’s first delve into the point, do you really want to know the answer? Because no matter what answer he gives you, it’s always going to be a dumb selfish one. It won’t bring clarity or heal your wounds. There is no satisfaction in knowing the whys, hows, wheres, and whoms.

The most important question that women, i.e Mrs. Tiger Woods, should be asking is what am I going to do now? What’s my next step?

It’s not about what your man is going to do for you or how he should make it up to you if you decide to stay. What’s important is what you are going to do for yourself. You should be your sole focus. You cannot stay stuck in the past. What’s done is done, move on for your own sanity and your children if applicable. Make peace with yourself and know that no matter what you could’ve possibly done does not warrant your mate stepping out on you.  I know all about cheating. I’m not going to sugar coat it. It sucks. There are no words for the amount of pain you go through. No one can honestly comfort you. The only person that can sincerely comfort you is you.

TDJ

Sex & The Chocolate City – Entry #2

An apology to all my Ex’s

Dear Previous Lovers,

This is me apologizing to you for a change: I’m sorry for being an asshole. There, I said it. It took years for me to build that one sentence in my head. Years of soul searching, reflection, and self-recognition.  I am sorry for what I put you through. I know dealing with a girl like me wasn’t easy. I have issues I can admit to. I don’t trust very easily, I can be jealous, spiteful or I can just simply not care at all. I have a temper that I repeatedly apologize for and tend to say things without thinking. I suppose I’ve always assumed that men don’t have an ounce of sensitivity in them, and the words I say couldn’t possible cut as deep as they apparently do. I push people away, even when I need them and can be selfish when it comes to my feelings. It’s a defense mechanism. I am always on guard to protect myself at all cost. Even if the cost means loosing you.

I’m not saying all this to take you completely off the hook. I’m not bipolar, my actions and words were not without reason. However, I don’t want you thinking that everything that happened between us was your fault alone. I take full responsibility for my actions, whether I hung up on you, shouted at you, or left you completely dumbfounded. I admit that being so hurt in the past has inevitably scarred me. But it wasn’t fair for you to pay for the last man’s mistakes.

A lot of you are in happy healthy relationships, even marriage. And I’m happy for you. I wish you nothing but success in your futures. As for me, I am taking a big leap into adulthood (a little late, but you know me) and being the bigger person. I’ve learned from my mistakes and what they have cost me. Thank you for teaching me such important life lessons.

Love, TDJ